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Saturday, February 14, 2015

everlasting, faithful impermanence

I have been as absent as ever. Yet things have simply been. Exactly 1 year ago reality began to shift, ever so slightly. Although the changes were, some heart wrenching, some a cool breeze -unexpected yet welcome- they still didn´t seem to rock my reality so utterly and completely as they did in "the end". It all happened gradually yet there is a sense of shock, as if it would of all happened from one second to the next. One day I had life "under control" -how arrogant this all sounds to me now- and the next I lost complete and utter control of my reality, my mind, and found myself the unwilling owner of a bleeding heart. I had no words to express, no way to explain,  even to those who live by my side, day in and day out, what these "natural" changes were doing to my soul.
Now after this long, long silence and all the readjustments my inner life has required, I find I wish to return. Yet I return as one would from war,  changed from the core, forever. I am grateful. I have been humbled by life and I wish to begin a new chapter in this blog, as a diary, a memoir, a place to express all that I search for and do not know. Because I am sure I am not the only one in this big wide world who at times has more questions than answers. I don´t wish to erase the past, or begin anew, but rather keep the memories and posts of so many years to remind me of how impermanence is the only thing everlasting. Ever faithful. And even so, life is devastatingly beautiful.

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