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Thursday, February 26, 2015

witnessing beginnings

If you are a parent you remember without a doubt the day your child came into your life, no matter the way, that moment is irreplaceable. Yet there is always a foggy quality when reminiscing the specifics of child labor and the miracle of that first cry of life. Personally, no matter how hard I try to go back, over and over, my mind always delivers the same perspective, foggier as years go by, reminding me that memory can be worn down over time. Yet it leaves a mark, like no other,  you are irrevocably changed, forever, for the best.

It is hard to explain what an honor it was for me to have carried my abnormally large boy, and then a tiny little creature of a girl within my petite frame for 18 months total. I had a very clear idea of what my perfect childbirth experience would be like, yet my body was never able to live up to my expectations. Although my pregnancies were blessed, I had both my children unwillingly through C section. I understand now that planning can be useful, but the real lifesaver is being prepared for the unexpected. Being ready to lie on your back and float out the storm, no matter how unforeseen or threatening the wave. If I would have taken the arrival of my first born with this philosophy, I am certain my post partum depression would not have been so intense. I had planned, up to the very last detail of my home birth. The music, the candles, the little blankets waiting to be wrapped around my precious boy, the same ones I washed over and over again just to ease those last exasperating days, and the fierce hope and wild joy that came with having a child at the tender age of 23. After 32 hours of an excruciating pain words cannot describe (27 of which were lived at home), my almost 9 pound baby was in my arms. He came to me through an emergency C-section. Although I felt profound happiness and feelings I did not know existed, I also felt my body had failed me, and that I had failed my son. These were feelings I was not able to evade, and the recovery was a difficult one.

Flash forward 5 years, a perfect 5.5 pound little lady was at my breast. Another C section, no matter how I prayed for a natural birth. But this time around I was older, a bit wiser, and determined to not feel let down, less of a woman, or less of a mother. It wasn´t worth it, and my children deserved more from me than self pity.
I now understand, witnessing the blessing of life as it arrives in waves of suspended silence, followed by tiny cries of life, that all arrivals are different, they are all gifts, all miracles. They should all be celebrated for they are all profoundly beautiful. All women who bring forth life, no matter the circumstance or the outcome, are ravishing, brave warriors, every single one. Childbearing in itself is exquisite and unique, and we must understand there is no one right way to give birth if we are to honor ourselves, our bodies, and ultimately our children. This is why I am riveted behind the lense of my camera, thankful because life has put me here,  immortalizing those precious, unrepeatable seconds. Then leaving them in the hands of those who will cherish those instants the most and hold them close to their hearts, keeping their memories alive, and honoring the intensity of their own magical moment in time.

Images: Gaby and Luis welcoming their perfect little Camilo into this world through C section.



  1. Tus fotos tienen alma. Nada ni nadie puede no ver esta verdad.

  2. what an unforgettable day for all of them and what great documentation on your part. xx

  3. Great images, they perfectly tell the story! Emotional day!

  4. Perfect, beautiful post.... truer than true. Birthing a child into this world changes us forever. I just wrote a similar post about one month ago when my cousin gave birth. Seeing the miracle of life always always humbles me. Me encanto! Buenisimas fotos!

  5. Touching photos! You bring to my mind a lot of memories... Beautiful....

  6. What beautiful photos. I now get to experience new life with the birth of grandchildren...what a blessing!

  7. The miracle of birth. You captured it wonderfully and I am very touched by your words. All the best for the new little family!

  8. What an amazing time to have witnessed