So I´m about to get honest. Real honest. I confess to having been fear ridden during my entire life until I reached my late 30´s. The unknown has always seemed to represent something threatening. This does not mean that I did not wish to travel, live and see. This meant that if I was to do this outside my confort zone, in other words, alone, then it was a possibility I would always secretly boycott because saying "I´m too scared to do it" was simply humiliating. I would have to admit I was weak, a coward. This is not something I was willing to do because of the simple fact that my soul is that of a wanderer, yet life has dealt me a few cards that have left certain parts of me broken, and to admit, would mean to face, and to face would be the beginning of healing, and to heal I would have to dare to jump.
And so we come to the decisive part of the story. Last year, while my cousin, who lives half way across the world, planned his wedding in New Zealand, he wrote to me and asked if I would be willing to be his official wedding photographer. Life put me in an awkward position. There was no excuse I could make up -or not so make up- (lack of money, work, etc) that could get me out of this one without admitting I was a total wuss because he was offering to pay for the trip. So I said yes, I couldn´t let an opportunity as life altering as this pass. I just didn´t know exactly how life altering that "yes" would be.
To make a long story short, getting on the airplane that would fly me across the world (as far from my children as I could ever have imagined) was one of the hardest things I´ve ever done. It involved quite a fair amount of crying and moments of sheer panic, but with the help of my husband and my sister, (with whom I travelled) I not only made it to Middle Earth, but travelled it in a camper van, walked on a glacier, drove on the opposite side of the road through miles and miles of unknown mountain roads, and most definitely left my heart there. Saying that the moment I took that leap of faith was completely life altering for me would not be an understatement. Realizing I was able to live up to the true essence of my wandering soul, despite the fear that paralized me for so many years, was like opening a door that I wish to never close again. And now I live my life, praying that the filter through which I understand and view life, my photography, will take me back and beyond Middle Earth. I grew wings, and the love/hate relationship with the restlessness that accompanies it, is part of the adventure.
I have begun the task of editing our whole trip and wish to do so in chronological order. This will probably take me a while so I wanted to share a few of the random pics I have on my National Geographic Profile and Portfolio. Meanwhile I will continue to edit, post and work towards getting back to New Zealand with my husband for a long overdue honeymoon (14 years to be exact) and more photography heaven. Wish me luck!
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