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Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Need to Breathe

Today I post out of dear necessity. I post because I feel I´m drowning.
I love so many things in this life, I love beauty, I love creating, I love inspiration, I love sweet things, I love LOVE, I love my family, I love freedom, and I choose to see life through the lense of all these things.
For a while now it has been a challenge, something I have held on to, motivated by my instict to survive without giving in to fear and bitterness. My family left Peru and found a home in Mexico many, many years ago. I always considered we somehow fled violence, terrorism, car-bombs and the fact that this was common. We moved to the States, then Mexico City and then left once again, looking for even more peace and quiet, to the town we´ve been living in for the past 19 years. Now, as a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister, I look around and feel that we have travelled so far from our family, our roots, our beginning, for nothing. Today I can´t help it. Today I am angry because I DO live in fear. And even though hate is a horrible word, I hate. I hate seeing blood on the sidewalk outside my house, MY CHILDREN´ S HOME. I hate that you can find bodies hanging off bridges, piled into cars on the side of the road, any road. I hate the word narco-execution, the horror it implies, the fact that we use it on a daily basis and that now it is reaching people that have NOTHING to do with drugs. People we know. Innocent people with families that will never be able to forget or cease to feel indescribable pain for as long as they live. I hate the fact that my husband and I even consider building a hide out, or teaching our children how to duck and hide. Wasn´t this something my parents travelled so far to keep me away from? Am I now supposed to drop everything, our home, friends, years of building a business, and the love we have for this beautiful, blood stained country, and RUN?
I blog, almost everyday, for myself. I blog looking for beauty, and to remind myself that it still exists. I will continue to do so, I need to continue to believe, to look for light and keep my G and G´s childhood and innocence intact.
As much as I possibly can.
They are my reason, my everything and my inspiration.


  1. I am so sorry. I've wondered if the violence had spread to your area. I wish I could change the situation for you, or whisk you somewhere safer. My brother in law is a missionary in Mexico and I worry for him. Hang in there.

  2. hey Chris! actually the state we live in is up there with the real dangerouse ones. In this year only (which has only been 3 months), there have been over 80 executions in our state alone. So, yeah it´s been like this a while, but been getting intense again lately. Being afraid can get to you. Although we don´t live afraid 24/7, sometimes I just gotta give myself permission to be afraid, loose it, and then get it back together again to go pick the kids up from school. It´s not that bad. Just one of those days. Thanks for always being there! Clau

  3. Querida Clau,

    It sounds so difficult. Living so close to violence, it's natural and expected that you would be afraid. That's part of what motivates you to be safe and keep your kids safe. I wish that it would get better or that you could move. I know that you love it there. But, if you ever want to come to the states, I can show you some nice places!

  4. beautiful post ;-) i have that same motivation to preserve my children's childhood and innocence for as long as possible. I wish more people understood how important it is to do that for our children.

    I hope everything gets better for you soon!

    Un abrazo,